12.20.2011

you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile

For years, perhaps my entire life, I've been plagued by an arrogant demeanor. No matter what I try to change or how hard I try to overcome it, my outside just doesn't match my inside. Because I am honestly not the kind of person who wants other people to feel lesser.

I've pinpointed when it's worst with the help of kind and honest friends and peers:

#1: it only presents a problem in two areas of my life--music and work. The two places where I am most passionate about what I do.

#2: Even in these passionate areas, it only happens when I'm trying to solve a problem.

#3: It's a first impression problem. Invariably, if a reasonable person will just stick it out with me, they'll learn how to see past the veneer to the heart underneath.

I'm never satisfied with simply chalking this characteristic up to "that's just who I am." Because it's NOT who I am. What is up with this complete inability to accurately portray my heart?

12.05.2011

when sorrows like sea billows roll

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. Ps. 30:11-12 (ESV)

Think of the psalmist who composed the lines above. He was mourning (according to most versions, other versions say "wailing" or "sobbing" or "wild lament"). Mourning does not happen to blissful, undisturbed people going about commonplace lives. The psalmist claims that his mourning was turned into dancing so that his glory could give PRAISE to God.

I tend to think this psalm was written after God had already done something amazing for the psalmist, and not as a prayer of faith. I like to ask myself what the psalmist would have been thinking while in the midst of his mourning. Do you think he grumbled and resented God for allowing horrible things to happen to him? Do you think he felt disillusioned with life, and thought (even for a moment) that the promises of God were bankrupted by the enormity of his pain?

We are often very quick to express our desire that our lives be a testimony, or a witness, to the glory of God and the gospel of Christ. But often I think we speak that sentiment heedlessly, without due consideration for WHAT exactly the Lord will ask us to witness ABOUT. We cross our fingers and hope that we get the "cattle on a thousand hills" testimony--riches and fame to the glory of God.

What happens if God's perfect plan for your life is to witness the harder things about the gospel of Christ: forgiveness, reconciliation, grace, mercy? These are lovely words to define, but painful to demonstrate effectively. And there's no question that we are MEANT to demonstrate them. (1 John 3:18). We are not simply God's little children with our hands open to receive blessing; we are the very breathing body of Christ himself. It stands to reason that each of us is called to exemplify an aspect of His nature. Technically we're called to exemplify ALL aspects of His nature, but there's grace for that inevitable failure!

So how will we react when the witness God formed us to bring doesn't exactly fit our definition of an "extraordinary" life? What if we are meant to show God's power in healing (which first requires disease, injury, heartache) or forgiveness and reconciliation (which first require broken relationships) or mercy (which first requires betrayal) or grace (which first requires failure)?

Are we prepared to be the people we claim to be?

12.03.2011

but i will go through the fire, if You want me to

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.
Proverbs 4:18-19

I've heard sermons preached on Prov 4:18 before. The general gist has been that if a man is righteous, his prosperity will increase and not diminish.

This verse was spoken over me once, in such a way that it seemed to mean exactly what it said, and had nothing at all to do with my finances. So the application was a little obscure. I was reminded of this verse the other day and decided to read it with the verses surrounding it.

I think verse 19 helps understand verse 18. Both verses refer to a path. Both righteous and wicked have a path laid before them. But the wicked's path is shrouded in darkness, which is its distinction from the lighted path of the righteous.

The wicked do not know over what they stumble because they cannot see it. That does not mean that the righteous will not have stumbling blocks in his path--simply that the way will be well lit for him, and he will be able to identify what makes him stumble, and either avoid or conquer it.

I think the point of these verses is not that only the wicked will have problems in their life. But our God will not leave us to wander in darkness.

12.20.2011

you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile

For years, perhaps my entire life, I've been plagued by an arrogant demeanor. No matter what I try to change or how hard I try to overcome it, my outside just doesn't match my inside. Because I am honestly not the kind of person who wants other people to feel lesser.

I've pinpointed when it's worst with the help of kind and honest friends and peers:

#1: it only presents a problem in two areas of my life--music and work. The two places where I am most passionate about what I do.

#2: Even in these passionate areas, it only happens when I'm trying to solve a problem.

#3: It's a first impression problem. Invariably, if a reasonable person will just stick it out with me, they'll learn how to see past the veneer to the heart underneath.

I'm never satisfied with simply chalking this characteristic up to "that's just who I am." Because it's NOT who I am. What is up with this complete inability to accurately portray my heart?

12.05.2011

when sorrows like sea billows roll

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. Ps. 30:11-12 (ESV)

Think of the psalmist who composed the lines above. He was mourning (according to most versions, other versions say "wailing" or "sobbing" or "wild lament"). Mourning does not happen to blissful, undisturbed people going about commonplace lives. The psalmist claims that his mourning was turned into dancing so that his glory could give PRAISE to God.

I tend to think this psalm was written after God had already done something amazing for the psalmist, and not as a prayer of faith. I like to ask myself what the psalmist would have been thinking while in the midst of his mourning. Do you think he grumbled and resented God for allowing horrible things to happen to him? Do you think he felt disillusioned with life, and thought (even for a moment) that the promises of God were bankrupted by the enormity of his pain?

We are often very quick to express our desire that our lives be a testimony, or a witness, to the glory of God and the gospel of Christ. But often I think we speak that sentiment heedlessly, without due consideration for WHAT exactly the Lord will ask us to witness ABOUT. We cross our fingers and hope that we get the "cattle on a thousand hills" testimony--riches and fame to the glory of God.

What happens if God's perfect plan for your life is to witness the harder things about the gospel of Christ: forgiveness, reconciliation, grace, mercy? These are lovely words to define, but painful to demonstrate effectively. And there's no question that we are MEANT to demonstrate them. (1 John 3:18). We are not simply God's little children with our hands open to receive blessing; we are the very breathing body of Christ himself. It stands to reason that each of us is called to exemplify an aspect of His nature. Technically we're called to exemplify ALL aspects of His nature, but there's grace for that inevitable failure!

So how will we react when the witness God formed us to bring doesn't exactly fit our definition of an "extraordinary" life? What if we are meant to show God's power in healing (which first requires disease, injury, heartache) or forgiveness and reconciliation (which first require broken relationships) or mercy (which first requires betrayal) or grace (which first requires failure)?

Are we prepared to be the people we claim to be?

12.03.2011

but i will go through the fire, if You want me to

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.
Proverbs 4:18-19

I've heard sermons preached on Prov 4:18 before. The general gist has been that if a man is righteous, his prosperity will increase and not diminish.

This verse was spoken over me once, in such a way that it seemed to mean exactly what it said, and had nothing at all to do with my finances. So the application was a little obscure. I was reminded of this verse the other day and decided to read it with the verses surrounding it.

I think verse 19 helps understand verse 18. Both verses refer to a path. Both righteous and wicked have a path laid before them. But the wicked's path is shrouded in darkness, which is its distinction from the lighted path of the righteous.

The wicked do not know over what they stumble because they cannot see it. That does not mean that the righteous will not have stumbling blocks in his path--simply that the way will be well lit for him, and he will be able to identify what makes him stumble, and either avoid or conquer it.

I think the point of these verses is not that only the wicked will have problems in their life. But our God will not leave us to wander in darkness.